By Shirley Mary Mzee.
Illustrative image: A young woman reflects on her choices, symbolizing the growing trend of child-free living among Kenyan women.
If you actively spend time on social media, you’ve likely encountered the term child-free, young women openly declaring their choice to never have children. While the topic often sparks heated debate, from solidarity and understanding to harsh criticism, it raises a vital question: what’s driving this shift in generational thinking?
On my late-night scrolls on TikTok, I encountered a video where a young woman stated one reason why she doesn’t want children: “Another reason why I don’t want kids is because of the trend of women not having kids and, after, that body transformation—I don’t want to alter my body physique.”
Her words were simple and personal, but the comment section was ablaze. Some women echoed her sentiment, sharing they too had no desire for children. Others dismissed her as “selfish” or “vain.” A few mothers chimed in with empathy, while some men and women hurled insults. This mixed reaction got me thinking, what’s behind this cultural shift?
Growing up in Kenya, I rarely saw women who were child-free by choice. If a woman didn’t have children, people whispered, questioned, or pitied her. Motherhood was not just expected; it was demanded. But now, things seem to be shifting. Women are making choices once unthinkable, openly saying, “I don’t want kids,” and standing by it. Could it be that we are entering a new age where women’s rights, voices, and autonomy are more respected than ever?
Many young women grew up as “second mothers” to siblings; cooking, cleaning, and caring from a young age. Could it be that after carrying that burden as children, some feel no desire to repeat the cycle?
Another factor could be the growing transparency around motherhood. For decades, it was wrapped in a veil of glamour, photos of glowing mothers and happy babies, with little mention of postpartum depression, financial struggles, or isolation. Today, social media has changed that. Women are more open about the highs and lows of motherhood, from pregnancy complications to permanent body changes. Could it be that this honesty is reshaping how young women perceive parenting?
Could it also be that some women simply don’t feel the so-called “maternal instinct” that society expects from them? Research shows nurturing tendencies aren’t universal, and lacking them is neither abnormal nor unnatural. In fact, a study of 75 young mothers (average age: 19) tracked their experiences over several months postpartum. The conclusion: there was no evidence of an innate maternal instinct. Instead, the mother–child bond strengthened gradually through caregiving, not genetics (PubMed, 2024). This challenges the belief that women are biologically destined to feel instant maternal love.
Meanwhile, others are simply acknowledging the weight of raising a child. Today’s generation is more financially conscious and realistic about the costs of parenting. According to the Kenya National Bureau of Statistics (KNBS, 2022), the average number of children per woman has dropped to 3.4, down from 6.7 in 1989.
Where does the church fall in this? Traditionally, the church has emphasized motherhood as a divine calling. Yet younger Christians are beginning to ask harder questions: must every woman be a mother to fulfill God’s purpose for her life? The debate reflects a broader shift, one where faith, personal fulfillment, and choice sometimes intersect and sometimes clash.
It is also worth asking: why does this trend seem more common among women than men? In my own experience, I encounter more young women choosing to remain childfree than men. Perhaps it is because men do not go through pregnancy, childbirth, or postpartum recovery, and so parenthood may appear less daunting to them. For women, the decision comes with higher stakes; physically, emotionally, and financially.
Ultimately, the rise in women choosing to remain childfree in Kenya and beyond cannot be pinned to a single reason. It may be parentification, greater transparency about struggles, lack of maternal instinct, or simply recognition that raising a child is a massive responsibility. Whatever the reason, the shift is that women now have a choice and they are exercising it.